Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
