i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
