I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
