I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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