Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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