I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
