I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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