at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His nipple licking is glorious
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
