I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
