literally had 100 drinks last night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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