Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
