Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
