after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
