Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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