Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
