There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize