I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
