i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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