He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
