so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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