You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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