So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
