And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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