We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
