I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
