FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
