I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
