In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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