Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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