can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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