You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
