Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
