At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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