am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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