The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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