i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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