Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
