whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
