one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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