...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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