Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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