I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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