Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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