Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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