just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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