Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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