oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
