You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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