stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
