I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
