I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
