I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I forget how to act sober
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