He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
