Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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