I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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