i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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