Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How many fucks given?
0.12846
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
