Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
