Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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