hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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