I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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