dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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