My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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